June 5th

This is frustrating.  Very very frustrating.

The numbness is just a complete pain in the ass.  Yes, yes, I know.  Be positive.  They think they got all of the cancer out.  I am grateful for that but damn this is getting old.  Worse than the completely annoying numbness is the freakin pain.  Every single damn day.  I just need a break from the pain.  It is normally better in the mornings and mid day but come evening, look out. 

When I was in the hospital, they constantly ask you what your pain level is. It is a wildly simply way to say how bad the pain is.  I found myself feeling like I was whining or complaining.  "How is the pain Mike?"  "7".  It just felt like I was bitching or complaining. 

I sometimes feel that way when people ask how I am doing now that I m home.  So, I answer with something like, "it is better every day".  Ya, not so much the truth all of the time.

I repeat, I just need a freakin break from the pain. 

I have found a couple of things help.  Help as in it makes me think about other things.  Coaching t-ball will do that.  Or as all of the coaches say, "hearding cats".  Nothing will make you think about other things than trying to get 4-6 yr old kids try to focus on a game.  I pay for being up that long later but it is worth it. 

I was going to say I am sorry for the negative post but I am not.  People keep asking and I try to put a good spin on things but this is gong to be a long bumpy road.  I kind of want to take a detour sometimes.

Be appreciative for what you have.  Especially the small things.  Things can go to crap in an instant.